Looking for ways to build your self-confidence? The adage “fake it until you make it” might apply. Now, I don’t promote being or acting fake. Authenticity and truth are better for you 99.99% of the time. The one, and only, exception is when we are dealing with our own inner critic that is singing in our ears an irrational, but highly catchy theme-song.
In this case, the more you tell yourself that you are worthy/ ready/ confident/ prepared/ sexy before following through with something, the more worthy/ ready/ confident/ prepared/ sexy you will actually be.
Here’s a list of things to practice as you are building your self-confidence.
- Dress for success. If you are old enough to remember the Wonder Woman show, you may recall how confident she was when she suited up. She recognized the call of duty, and then immediately changed into her superhero garb complete with her lasso of truth, indestructible bracelets, and tiara. When she had her outfit on, she was still Diana Prince, but she was able to tap into the strongest parts of herself. What you are wearing is often the first thing people notice about you, and can also impact your mood. While not everything, putting some thought into how you present yourself and feeling good about it, will allow you to forget it and be fully present to engage in the event or activity. When we feel good, we’re more equipped to do good.
- Watch your body language. Silently tell yourself you are the most capable person in the room, then sit tall, make eye contact, and smile. If you are prone to large hand gestures when you get nervous, hold something that you can’t fling around. I always feel more comfortable sitting in front of a room, so when there’s an option I grab a chair.
- Do your homework. The more prepared you feel, the more you will have to offer to a conversation. Confident people attract. If you appear to both be interested and know that you also have interesting things to share, then others will be more inclined to ask you. Listen, and find an appropriate point to contribute something from your preparation/research. If you have a question about something, ask it. Don’t make assumptions or create a story in your mind. Remember, with more complex topics, more preparation may be required.
- Positivity is a choice. Don’t underestimate the power of your own thoughts. If you tell yourself that only negative outcomes are possible, then that’s all you will be able to see. If on the other hand, you tell yourself that you look great in that outfit/will say exactly what needs to be said/make the connection you need to make, then you will infuse each move you make with the power of that positivity. I’m not talking Pollyanna positivity, refusing to see reality, but we do become our own self-fulfilling prophecy (positive or negative), and positive is way hotter.
- Re-frame failure. If you take each setback as an opportunity to learn, there really are no mistakes. Each decision either affirms the path you are on or offers you something to learn and incorporate for the future. In this way, all feedback is positive feedback when given with honest intention. And when it’s not? Like Taylor Swift you’ve just got to shake it off. Yeah, the haters gonna hate but you get to choose whether or not to believe them and adopt what they say into your mindset.
- Get to know your inner critic. Everyone has one, and the sooner you get in touch with when your has shown up and what it is telling you, the sooner you can sift through rational thought worth giving attention to and the crap your inner critic says just to keep you from taking healthy risks and growing into a better version of yourself.
- Surrender the unknown. No one can possibly know with absolute certainty what tomorrow will bring. If you have made a conscious decision/plan with all the information at hand and used your intuition to guide you, then you’ve done your best. When you’ve followed your best intentions, it is illogical to worry about the outcome. Reminding yourself of this fact will also help free you from regret when things don’t turn out exactly how you wanted them to.
What do Sexy Spirit Moms and Wonder Woman have in common? They believe in themselves. Does that mean they always have perfect clarity with what they should do and have zero setbacks? No. But, they do tap into their resources, trust their gut, and once they’ve made a decision, they stand behind it with fierce courage. That, and some kickin’ accessories. ♥