Mine but not mine

Smiling pig with frogThere’s alot of darkness in the world, and there’s no shortage of news for the media to report and exploit. No doubt our world leaders and think-tank thinkers are working round the clock to come up with a solution to terrorism and all the darkness that is born from it. Not to mention the disease, famine, sex trafficking, and countless other atrocities happening right now all over the globe. We don’t know whether policy makers and those in power will decide to do (or not do) something that will positively change the course of our existence. With all the darkness in the world, I have been asking myself what can I do? How can I keep my children feeling safe, knowing that they are getting older and relating more and more to the outside world. How can I keep them feeling loved? How can I keep them innocent? The simple fact is, I can’t contribute to international policy or change the world. But I do know this. I can contribute to more love and light in the world, and that starts with the souls I touch with my presence and guidance each day.  In other words, for me, it all starts and ends with my relationships.

In fact, when I look at the most important and impactful thing I do for my children, whom I share one of my most treasured relationships, something sticks out like a big red balloon.

It’s not the toilet training or baths I’ve given. It’s not the meals I’ve prepared. It’s not my volunteering with the PTA. It’s not trading my commute for a work from home schedule. It’s not the toys I gifted or the books I’ve read. It’s not the countless birthday parties, play-dates, and activities I’ve already chaperoned and shuttled. It’s not the games I’ve participated in. It’s not even the snuggling, creepy-mousing or lullabies at bedtime.

While all of these things have some value, some even crucial to my childrens’ health and well being, none of them compare to the one decision that made it all possible. I’m referring to the decision I made to explore and be supported through my own inner work.

This is what has opened my capacity for love, patience and grace. This is what makes it possible for me to laugh and not take myself too seriously. This is what has afforded me acceptance what has been and peace with what is. This is what allowed me to reconnect to my spark, helping me to both evoke and contribute to greater intimacy and mutual respect with their father, my husband and co-parent. This is what supported me in rediscovering who I am and practice balance with my being and doing. This is what helps me deepen my connection with my children and allows me to see them in all their innocence and nurture my own so that we may all learn from each other. This is what allows me to see them as mirrors and teachers in my spiritual journey. This is what helped me see that we are all separate but connected. This is what makes this parenting role more meaningful and fun than I ever imagined. This is what opened me up to the desire for raising my children to be their own shepherds and think for themselves, rather than to be sheep who follow mindlessly and look outside themselves for love and happiness. In fact, I now see them as souls separate from me, but equal in worth, creativity and resourcefulness. Mine but not mine.

All that other stuff? Sure, there are some important things up there. Some of it they may even remember when they’re older. But what benefits them the most is my re-learning how to be truly present, here right now in this moment, and innocent right along beside them. To be curious and ask questions. To listen and accept others for who they are. This is what will have the greatest impact on the kind of world citizens they choose to be.

2 red heart balloonsMy heart aches for those in the world who are in pain. I’m not sure how, but knowing my part to play in making the world a better place (and waking up to do it each and every day) somehow makes it ache just a little less. I guess I will never quite know the full reach of my impact, but I’m here and I’m open to all the possibilities. ♥


Leave a Reply