No one likes to be a nag. But yet, many of us do it even though it doesn’t seem to help. It’s so frustrating when you know they know what to do, but just aren’t doing it, right?!
I noticed my nagging during our morning or evening routines. It seemed to be getting more challenging for my daughter to get tasks done without getting distracted with a toy (or immersed in singing to her bathroom mirror).
Children are little people. I may not always feel confident in my parenting, but my coach training always comes in handy. I took out my coaching model and my eyes were drawn to “People are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.” Bingo.
People are not in need of fixing, but often how we relate to them is.
I’d been trying to control her, and that’s where I was off. I wasn’t listening for what she wasn’t saying – she needed a structure for staying focused and for me to trust that she would rise to the occasion. So, I decided to change how I was showing up.
I said something like, “I really don’t like bugging you to do stuff, so I’m going to stop. But we need to work together for find another way to keep us on track. What will help you?”
Together, we came up with a plan to make signs for her room. She loved this, actually growing with excitement to list out all the steps that she did in the morning and before bed as we wrote them out and decorated the paper signs. (No doubt some of that excitement for getting Mom off her back!)Emotional energy distracts all relationships from moving in the direction of growth. Click To Tweet
Without negative energy from me, she no longer resists it by dragging her feet. Now, most days when she wakes up, she checks her list and remembers to brush her teeth, get completely dressed, and turn off her lights and sound machine before coming downstairs for breakfast.
What we focus on grows. Choose wisely.
Spending less time focused on tasks and more time enjoying each other – isn’t that the whole point to any relationship? I now see how shifting my focus away from what my daughter isn’t doing, allows me to actually see her. Our mornings are fun again, and our evenings more peaceful.
What’s not being said in your relationship? How will you try showing up differently to change up the pattern? Share your comments below. ♥